Let us start with broad strokes
Mardi Gras day moves around on the calendar based on the date of Easter, so you'll need to check every year when Mardi Gras falls for that year.
Mardi Gras parades start WEEKS before Mardi Gras day- this is the biggest mistake I see tourists make. You will have the wonderful opportunity to see families and locals have an amazing time in a sort of block-party environment all over Uptown. The French Quarter will be full of frat boys and tourists behaving badly, so if that's NOT your vibe, blame them. It might be fun to stroll down Bourbon St during any of the Carnival season, but avoid it late at night.
Parades FOLLOW each other, meaning you'll see several on the schedule for the night and there is a gap between each one but streets DO NOT reopen between the parades.
I've noticed that "getting around" and navigating the parade street closures, culture and scheduling is not something hotels are pro-active about- they leave it up to the guest to figure out, which kind of sucks- so I'm here to help!

Let's talk logistics
I live in "the box", as it is affectionately called, during Mardi Gras. It is an area of the city that is blocked off by street closures for the parades. "No big deal", you think, "I'm not going to be there during Mardi Gras/during the parades". Well, you might.... Here is the best website for the parade schedules, that I use every year to plan as a local: https://www.mardigrasneworleans.com/parades/
It is divided by date, then by neighborhood- most tourists to the city need to pay attention to parades in Uptown, French Quarter and the Marigny.
French Quarter and Marigny parades close streets but ARE NOT the big tractor pulled floats that you see in photos. They are small, walking parades with hand-made contraptions usually pulled by bike or human, sometimes a mule. They are fun, creative parades but they take a LONG time to roll since they are all walking. They are some of my favorites, so if you're lucky you can catch them:
Krewe du Vieux and krewedeluision (satire and humor)
Krewe of Chewbacchus (all things nerd & geek)
Krewe of Barkus (dogs!)
Uptown parades are big affairs that really begin to affect the city two weeks before Mardi Gras- you'll see big blocks of parades on the schedule all day Sat. and Sun.
They require you to plan in advance your Friday nights, all day & night Sat. & Sun. and the week before Mardi Gras Day will also have parades Tues., Wed and Thurs. nights!
Now back to "the box" - if you are staying "in the box" you will be affected by the parade street closures, so that includes a lot of hotels in the Warehouse District, CDB and Air BnBs uptown and getting in or out of any restaurants/museums/tours/venues in the box. Here's what MOST of the Uptown street closures look like:

That is Napoleon Ave. on the left (some parade line-ups and routes start further uptown by Jefferson Ave. so if you book an Air BnB Uptown, be sure to check routes of the parades that are rolling while you are in town before trying to, say, catch an Uber to a dinner reservation). Heading down Napoleon Ave., away from the river, the parades turn at St. Charles Ave. (the street the streetcar run down) and continues parallel to the river all the way to Canal St. Lots of hotels between St. Charles Ave and the river are affected by the closures, especially because barricades block crossing over streets even without a car. They'll right turn and parade down Canal St. for 3 blocks, then turn right again on Tchoupitoulas St. where the parade ends. But you're not out the woods yet- the end of the parade is just as congested with floats as the beginning so it will block a lot of Tchoupitoulas St. all the way to the Convention Center.
How to survive it:
Plan plan plan- you can avoid a lot of headache and frustration by knowing the parade schedule and route as it relates to you. Dinner reservations, tours, getting out of your hotel, getting to your hotel at the end of the day and MOST IMPORTANTLY getting to and from the airport with your baggage- all needs to be planned in advance.
Don't expect Ubers or taxis to get to you (or not drop you as a fare when they get frustrated) or public transportation to work for you AT ALL. Getting OUT the box before the streets close (generally 1 hour before the first parade) and staying out is your best bet to have a full day of fun in neighborhoods like Midcity/City Park (check out New Orleans Museum of Art), Bywater/Marigny or out of town at a plantation tour or in the bayou/swamp (those shuttles usually do early a.m. pick ups from hotels before the streets close, but getting back, you may need to walk a bit since the shuttle can only get so close to drop you off). Lots of AMAZING restaurants are NOT in the French Quarter, so don't limit your dinner plans to getting from your hotel during peak parade hours- maybe spend the day out and do dinner and drinks in one of the neighborhoods I listed.
Plan your travel accordingly- if you're flying, consider coming and leaving before 4pm during a weekday to avoid any stress around getting a ride and having to drag your luggage all over town with you by foot.
Most importantly- relax. We are also annoyed with it all, but we do it every year because it is the most fun our city can have- one of the biggest parties in the world! Mardi Gras is the experience you make it and different areas on the parade route offer different experiences, so leave the other tourists and drunk frat bros to the French Quarter and take in the different little communities that pop up around the parade route of neighbors, families and friends.
Some final tips:
Don't buy tickets to "stands" or bleachers unless you really want that specific experience- there are viewing stands on a few spots of the parade route, but Mardi Gras parades are free. It's still pretty crowded and stands are still not necessarily "seated" (most people still stand in the bleachers) but is a great option for people with mobility/standing issues.
When you do find a spot on the route to hang, consider how near you are to a bathroom (most require a wristband purchase). Bathrooms are a big priority if you're staying for a parade and the city just banned (stupidly) port-o-lets. Bring hand sanitizer and Kleenex in case there's no TP!
Don't see the parades on Canal St. or near the overpass. I don't like seeing parades in the CBD (area between the overpass to Canal St.) in general and this is where it's convenient for most tourists to catch the parade. There are a few good blocks, but Canal St. is lame and the streets around the overpass are dangerous. Just bite the bullet and walk to at least Jackson Ave. to see the parades Uptown.
Be respectful of your neighbors- don't stand in front of their kids or seated old people, most people got out there hours before the parade to get "their spot" so be aware of how you fit into the crowd and ask if you're in the way if you are unsure. Give priority to kids- you're taller, so hand them the good toys and blinking LED things that you catch (but not beads, no one cares about beads, especially kids) and you've got a friend for the night. It's BYOB so be sure to pack a flask, a roadie or some beers and some snacks. When in doubt, follow the cues of the crowd: back up out the street for marching bands, cross the street ONLY after the school's FULL line up has passed NEVER in the middle of their line up (the line up is from the school's banner to the final escorts pulling wagons behind the last band member). If you think a throw (something fun tossed off a float to the crowd) was for someone else behind you or next to you, it probably was- don't be greedy, offer it to the intended target.
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